Cotton Pickin Right!

Yo so this happened like over a week ago but I thought I'd share cuz my memory of it was recently sparked...

But yea I was sitting in one of the class buildings in these booths they got set up to study at. I always pass by those booths when they're all taken by somebody and I think how silly it is that one person has this whole booth alone. I walk by and go look for my own booth. Why can't I just stop and sit at somebody else's booth?? But I digress, I was sitting there reading for a I had a lot to read for and all the booths were taken. I was like the only person out of like 4 or 5 with some pigmentation mind you. I sometimes wonder, if somebody was walking by would I look inviting to share a booth with?

So this cool lookin old guy walks up and he asks me if I mind him sitting there while he eats his cookie and drinks his coffee. I mean it was just what I was askin for so I was like for sho! So he sits down, I say hi and I'm like aright Jess keep it brief, you got reading put the headphones back on and get to work... But I have like zero concentration; I tried to read but I kept thinking, this guy seems mad cool, I wanna talk to him!

Yo I'm mad awkward. I don't know if you've noticed. I do my best to hide it but I'm not the best at it. So sometimes when I'm around someone and I don't know exactly what to say, obviously I need a second. But mad times I'm just like lookin up at the sky or even at you trying to think of the right thing to say and shit...

Damn so now you know that... so I played it off pretty welll and acted like I was reading then I was like (trying to be funny) "So uhh, you waitin for your class?" Mind you, this dude looks like maybe bout 70. He had a sweet stache, a really long white pony tail running through the opening in the back of his Marines hat. I didn't really think he was a student but if he wasn't then who was he and why was he on campus eating cookies and sitting with me?

So you know don't judge a book and everything, he actually was there for class, and I felt like a dick... But anyways, I start talking to the guy and he was cool as hell!

He was taking the introductory Women's Studies class with my minor adviser (she's cool people too). He pulled out that book and then went reaching for this one "The Great Cosmic Mother" talking about Goddess religion and the roots of humanity to femininity. Man he was droppin knowledge.

I told him I was reading for my Affirmative Action class and he was like Oh yea I was doing that from before the Civil Rights. I was working in the labor unions when they wouldn't permit people of color. It was very segregated, there were a lot of people who looked like me. He pointed at his hand like The color of power. I was like, go head Abe... Oh yea, his name was Abe! I don't wanna put his whole gov't out but if you knew it you'd be like "No Way, that's an awesome name!"

He also said how his wife is a feminist, his daughter just got in a civil union and she teaches... and how they keep him in check and make sure he don't be sayin that dumb shit, but nicely. He was givin me relationship advice, talkin bout how his wife doesn't say shit to make him feel stupid or feel like a dick. If he says some dumb shit she's just like, "Now why would you say that?" And he's like she's always right but she makes me think about it rather than make me feel bad for it. He was like don't get all in his face, what's that gonna do?

I told him how I don't have a man and he was sayin like take your time. Excuse me if I'm being frank but ya know if you meet a guy don't buddy up too soon. Get to know him well before the sex aspect. That's only part of it. And you need to know yourself as an individual before you can really know what you need from someone else.

Abe I really felt you on this one! Some people I've told about this meeting have told me it's weird that an old guy was talking to me about sex, but honestly my dude was on point with the advice! I gotta keep it real, this is my blog I'm allowed to do that! Time's are rough. It's getting harder and harder to just be willing to get in a relationship. Well let me be even more serious, I haven't really had one that has actually "worked" or I think "lasted" would be a better word, per se. I got like a 4-7 month average relationship span.

My thing is, if it seems like it's not what I need I don't see why keep playing games. I hate games. I hate rules. So back to times being rough, the rough part is that physical connection. Gotta have that shit you know! Some form or fashion. I appreciate many different forms, but I feel Abe, you don't want it to just be anybody for that deeper connection. Attraction for me is a lot more than how you look physically. I could see someone and find them completely attractive then realize they're about some dumb shit and find them hideous... on the flip side, I could (and this happens plenty) originally not be attracted to you at all then see that you're really about some shit and see you in a different light.

Here in New Paltz, and just in my life in general right now. I feel like there's a lot of those around who I can get down with on the surface level (you're lookin good, or I'm attracted to you in some way) but then when I go just a little bit deeper it's like damn that's what you're about??

I don't want you to be down for everything I'm down for but I want to be able to respect what you're down for. Learn from each other, feel each other out. Be comfortable.

It's easy to get caught up on the surface when you really haven't had much of the deeper level shit around. But that shit usually ends up blowing up on its own anyways because you knew from jump it wasn't what you really wanted. You just avioded seeing the things that were already there in the beginning because you were enjoying yourself...

Damn this is starting to sound personal... wait so what, this is my shit!

So yea, all and all I felt like meeting Abe at that time was what was supposed to happen and talking to him was what I was supposed to do. He reminded me, don't settle for some shit that ain't you. Whatever I'm looking for is there so I really don't need to be looking for it. Like my mom be sayin, I already have in me all the answers I'm looking for (something like that).

Wait that's going a little off topic. To wrap things up, I agree with Abe that I need to feel things out more. As much as I enjoy to be close to someone and you know get my feels in and shit, I like to really know a person. That shit's meaningful and shit. I would like to one day be with someone for longer than 7 months. I think I can do it. Na I can definitely do that shit, but I gotta think about what I really need. Don't rush shit, get that mental stimuli goin!

Oh yea, I was sparked about Abe because Eden had brought some of her kids from Brooklyn up to NP for a tour. I had some friends come and help when we were going I saw Abe in the lecture hall and I got mad excited. I just like to hear him talk and wait for the tangents he'll go off on. That's what old people do they just talk about whatever they think of at that moment (sorta like this right now). But that shit is mad ill. You can learn so much from a person, good and bad. Find otu some shit you never would have known they went through, never woulda thought they could tell you about.

I'm bout to try to bump into him when I can, try to get some knowledge on life while I still can.

Anyhoo, I really shouldn't be up now. I have class at 8, gotta get up at 7 something. I really should have breakfast cuz a girl be hungry and tomorrow's another busy one! We have the Community Roots first ever program Getting to Know Your Roots!! Should be ill! Vixon wanted the Fahari by then and I did too so I'm still not sure if I'm gonna take an hour out of my day and go pick them up... I'll decide, but we all know I get dumb excited every time a Fahari I wrote in comes out!! So it might happen... Also, me and Ruben's show is on at 6:00 tomorrow night. We again didn't prepare too too well but I feel better about this one, I got some good stuff lined up!

Listen Live at www.wfnp.org
We're on from 6-7!
I'm gonna go now, thank's for reading this long if you actually made it down here! I'll try to do this again some time. Maybe utilize this space of free expression I got goin on here!

I need to write in here!

So right now I'm supposed to be typing minutes from the First World meeting. But then I thought about how Ruben still hasn't thought up a "good enough" name for his therefore he hasn't started using his and I thought it was silly. But then I thought well I still haven't totally used mine. So I was like lemme write how I'm feeling right now and I can surely be way ahead of Ruben. Firtly, I didn't know exactly what I wanted to call mine but I went ahead and gave myself a tentative name. So I was already ahead the game anyways, but now I have a post in here too. And look how many sentences I've typed already!!

....Hey, you should check out the radio show, tentatively called The Message, Thursday at 6:00pm. Listen live at www.wfnp.org!

Also help me out with a blog name and better radio show name!

Thank you!