Thursday, June 25, 2009
You see what I'm sayin?
In a lot of ways I view sight as a setback... you can't feel with sight... it's too cut and dry, this is just the way it is... what you see is what you get... I want a little more mystery
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
my fault
Alright I'm listening. Maybe not acting fully, but I hear... But yea I often can preach it but don't listen to what I'm saying as something I should hear... My fault for jumping to conclusions. I really do mean to look out but come off hypocritical. ego, fear Louise would say...I wanna get better but I guess I punish myself for not following my own rules, she would also say... But for realz, I got my own shit. I actually listened to what I was saying and looked at something I was ignoring... I mean it's easier to just expect other people to be on their shit so you don't got to.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Cyclical beings
Everything's a cycle...
They say...
Same shit different day...
different month...
different year...
...Different person?
yes.
...but not really.
break the cycle,
but come right back
a cycle's a circle
what do you expect?
ain't no end but the beginning!
(and who knows where that is anyways?)
learn and expand
grow to a new level of you.
but still you.
every experience brings me closer to understanding
but I always have to go back before I go forward
do what I did before just to see I don't wanna do it no more
makes me think...
must be a spiral,
not your average, planar circle
but some real life, 3D shit!
because even though I feel myself doing what feels the same
its not the same
I have elevated off the paper, above the plane
but I still have to run by the checkpoint
check myself.
make sure I'm on point.
(get it?)
in a maze to the center of myself,
like a record spinning-
needle passes the same point each time around
but every time, a different sound
so I listen
best I know how
don't hear it the first time?
can't retreat
throw that shit on repeat
first you dont succeed
try,
try again...
try something new
One day I'll get "it"
well, maybe
I guess I can't really say
I don't even know what "it" is
but can say each time around I've grown
made some mistakes
got some things right
but always continue on forward
follow the twists and turns,
concaves and curves
hope they lead me where I need to be
They say...
Same shit different day...
different month...
different year...
...Different person?
yes.
...but not really.
break the cycle,
but come right back
a cycle's a circle
what do you expect?
ain't no end but the beginning!
(and who knows where that is anyways?)
learn and expand
grow to a new level of you.
but still you.
every experience brings me closer to understanding
but I always have to go back before I go forward
do what I did before just to see I don't wanna do it no more
makes me think...
must be a spiral,
not your average, planar circle
but some real life, 3D shit!
because even though I feel myself doing what feels the same
its not the same
I have elevated off the paper, above the plane
but I still have to run by the checkpoint
check myself.
make sure I'm on point.
(get it?)
in a maze to the center of myself,
like a record spinning-
needle passes the same point each time around
but every time, a different sound
so I listen
best I know how
don't hear it the first time?
can't retreat
throw that shit on repeat
first you dont succeed
try,
try again...
try something new
One day I'll get "it"
well, maybe
I guess I can't really say
I don't even know what "it" is
but can say each time around I've grown
made some mistakes
got some things right
but always continue on forward
follow the twists and turns,
concaves and curves
hope they lead me where I need to be
yea... thats just some a how im feelin right now... nothing too coherent, just my thoughts
Monday, March 9, 2009
missed more days...So What!
So that last post I wrote last Thursday and never published it... I don't even know if I finished it to be honest... Whatever!
I missed more days of gratitude, but still not mad at me because I've continued to be grateful I just haven't written them here. So...
March 5-Being able to defy odds
As I talked about in the last one, my calendar told me that the 5th and 6th were supposed to be challenging days for me but they both actually turned out to be quite lovely! I appreciate that I didn't ruin them with any type of negativity!
March 6-Bernie
Went home for the weekend. Kind of snuck in, snuck out. I'm bringing these 3 girls home next week and I wouldn't have room for mad crap I needed to get out of my bedroom so I brought it this past weekend. My man Bernie ran like an angel-like the angel he is! I love my car, he has great energy!
March 7-The sun's shining rays
I think this is rather self-explanatory... The sun makes me feel good. Especially when it's not od-ing and it's giving you just enough of what you need! 70s is perfect for me... not that I've recently experienced that or anything, but I would love to... and I can't wait!! It's so happy when it's nice out!! ...I can't wait for the Loving Day celebration this year, by the by, that shit was like the epitomy of a beautiful summer day! (Free barbeque, beer, Ben and Jerrys!!, beautiful people, and bonding!)
March 8-Confusion
I've been confused. Confusing myself even. Making things more complicated than need be. I do that. I don't always tend to handle things directly because I'm really one to beat around the bush... But I am grateful to myself for looking out for myself and for trying to be aware of what I can learn/gain from my confusion.
March 9-Reunions
Bela and her little boy are here! A bunch of us are going to get together for dinner tonight... That makes me happy. Seeing my friends who left here makes me happy. Things are so different with their energies missing from this place! I so often wanna just be outta here and to be wherever the people I love are. I wanna be in Rochester, and NYC, and Atlanta, and other random sprinklings, all over, all at once... but I graciously settle for the visits and hi's and bye's I get in between times! And this week especially I look forward to reconnections on my journey home!
I missed more days of gratitude, but still not mad at me because I've continued to be grateful I just haven't written them here. So...
March 5-Being able to defy odds
As I talked about in the last one, my calendar told me that the 5th and 6th were supposed to be challenging days for me but they both actually turned out to be quite lovely! I appreciate that I didn't ruin them with any type of negativity!
March 6-Bernie
Went home for the weekend. Kind of snuck in, snuck out. I'm bringing these 3 girls home next week and I wouldn't have room for mad crap I needed to get out of my bedroom so I brought it this past weekend. My man Bernie ran like an angel-like the angel he is! I love my car, he has great energy!
March 7-The sun's shining rays
I think this is rather self-explanatory... The sun makes me feel good. Especially when it's not od-ing and it's giving you just enough of what you need! 70s is perfect for me... not that I've recently experienced that or anything, but I would love to... and I can't wait!! It's so happy when it's nice out!! ...I can't wait for the Loving Day celebration this year, by the by, that shit was like the epitomy of a beautiful summer day! (Free barbeque, beer, Ben and Jerrys!!, beautiful people, and bonding!)
March 8-Confusion
I've been confused. Confusing myself even. Making things more complicated than need be. I do that. I don't always tend to handle things directly because I'm really one to beat around the bush... But I am grateful to myself for looking out for myself and for trying to be aware of what I can learn/gain from my confusion.
March 9-Reunions
Bela and her little boy are here! A bunch of us are going to get together for dinner tonight... That makes me happy. Seeing my friends who left here makes me happy. Things are so different with their energies missing from this place! I so often wanna just be outta here and to be wherever the people I love are. I wanna be in Rochester, and NYC, and Atlanta, and other random sprinklings, all over, all at once... but I graciously settle for the visits and hi's and bye's I get in between times! And this week especially I look forward to reconnections on my journey home!
Friday, March 6, 2009
I missed another day.... and That's ok!
I am grateful for good conversation!
Yesterday (and today actually), according to my astrological calendar, was supposed to be one of my "challenging" days. I went to bed two nights ago at like 2am watching Don't Be a Menace. I had an 8:00 class and had told myself that I wanted to get to bed earlier to make sure I was on time for that class because I've been late for like the past month!
I stayed up for a while talking to RJ about random shit. Then I was AIMing for a little while. When I went to bed I was feeling good, I had a good feeling for the next day. I got up within like 2 or 3 snoozes, which is really good for me, it usually takes me like close to an hour to get out of bed!! I was on time for my 8:00. Then this girl who's in my 8:00 and my 9:25 came up to me like You ready for that quiz in Race and Racism? And I'm like Fuck!
I had skipped this class Monday when he gave us the quiz questions... but I was like you know what, I know this stuff, I got this! I went, I did pretty well. I should have been reading this book more because I was on like chapter 2 and we're now done with the book :/
I was listening to music, jammin hard, when I was taking it and got yelled at because he could hear it in the front of the room! boo hoo!
In my next class I had another quiz that I refused to study for because I was so gassed about having that Jews of Germany Test over with the day before (PS me and Day Day got an A on our presentation for that class!! Woot!)! I love my professor in that class, although his teaching style does not work for me in any way! I took the quiz cuz it counted as my attendance, but honestly I didn't know a damn thing on it! Like literally I looked at the paper, wrote my name on it... debated making some answers up outta thin air, then realized I had funner shit to do with my time and at least I could get out of class sooner!
I tried to bring the paper to the front of the room cuz he was in the back but then he made me hand it to him. I had to ONLYest walk of shame giving him that paper!! I could barely look him in the eyes. He was like, Ms. Coleman, you know we drop the lowest quiz grade? I just slinked out in shame...
So I ended up going to the SUB to table for First World with Dominique. Caitlin ended up coming, and Terrell, Steve, and it was a nice little party... Then Hasan came up and I talked to him for a while about mad random stuff. We ended up talking about astrology and Venus's retrograde and the a Saturn/Uranus opposition... That's an insightful brother, I fucks wit that guy!
Then RJ calls me at like 2pm (when he wakes up) and says its beautiful out and he's coming up to campus. He and I walked around for a while before my 4:30 (Jews) class. Mad cool, it was awesome outside, we walked over to the tripping fields. RJ took maaaaad pictures of me along the way. It was a little awkward cuz I would be telling him a story and he would start snapping and so then I'm talking to a camera lens...
So we walked around to the quad and saw my Center neighbors playing frisbee. Then I saw a ball and wanted to kick it. So me and Arj played with it. I got my Creative Recs od muddy and RJ was playing in some shiny ass dress shoes and they got mad dirty too!
Then I had to go to class which was probably the biggest challenge of the day. But that is when I found out I got that good A though!
After, Ruben and I had our show and RJ and Claudia came through! And they brought me a Mexicali bean burrito with garlic hot sauce! mmm mmmmm mmmmmmm!! It was great!
Yesterday (and today actually), according to my astrological calendar, was supposed to be one of my "challenging" days. I went to bed two nights ago at like 2am watching Don't Be a Menace. I had an 8:00 class and had told myself that I wanted to get to bed earlier to make sure I was on time for that class because I've been late for like the past month!
I stayed up for a while talking to RJ about random shit. Then I was AIMing for a little while. When I went to bed I was feeling good, I had a good feeling for the next day. I got up within like 2 or 3 snoozes, which is really good for me, it usually takes me like close to an hour to get out of bed!! I was on time for my 8:00. Then this girl who's in my 8:00 and my 9:25 came up to me like You ready for that quiz in Race and Racism? And I'm like Fuck!
I had skipped this class Monday when he gave us the quiz questions... but I was like you know what, I know this stuff, I got this! I went, I did pretty well. I should have been reading this book more because I was on like chapter 2 and we're now done with the book :/
I was listening to music, jammin hard, when I was taking it and got yelled at because he could hear it in the front of the room! boo hoo!
In my next class I had another quiz that I refused to study for because I was so gassed about having that Jews of Germany Test over with the day before (PS me and Day Day got an A on our presentation for that class!! Woot!)! I love my professor in that class, although his teaching style does not work for me in any way! I took the quiz cuz it counted as my attendance, but honestly I didn't know a damn thing on it! Like literally I looked at the paper, wrote my name on it... debated making some answers up outta thin air, then realized I had funner shit to do with my time and at least I could get out of class sooner!
I tried to bring the paper to the front of the room cuz he was in the back but then he made me hand it to him. I had to ONLYest walk of shame giving him that paper!! I could barely look him in the eyes. He was like, Ms. Coleman, you know we drop the lowest quiz grade? I just slinked out in shame...
So I ended up going to the SUB to table for First World with Dominique. Caitlin ended up coming, and Terrell, Steve, and it was a nice little party... Then Hasan came up and I talked to him for a while about mad random stuff. We ended up talking about astrology and Venus's retrograde and the a Saturn/Uranus opposition... That's an insightful brother, I fucks wit that guy!
Then RJ calls me at like 2pm (when he wakes up) and says its beautiful out and he's coming up to campus. He and I walked around for a while before my 4:30 (Jews) class. Mad cool, it was awesome outside, we walked over to the tripping fields. RJ took maaaaad pictures of me along the way. It was a little awkward cuz I would be telling him a story and he would start snapping and so then I'm talking to a camera lens...
So we walked around to the quad and saw my Center neighbors playing frisbee. Then I saw a ball and wanted to kick it. So me and Arj played with it. I got my Creative Recs od muddy and RJ was playing in some shiny ass dress shoes and they got mad dirty too!
Then I had to go to class which was probably the biggest challenge of the day. But that is when I found out I got that good A though!
After, Ruben and I had our show and RJ and Claudia came through! And they brought me a Mexicali bean burrito with garlic hot sauce! mmm mmmmm mmmmmmm!! It was great!
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